Another Poem Update!

Hey there!
It's good to see you here again and it also feels good to be back!
On this cloudy and rainy Friday morning, I just want to cuddle up in my furry grey blanket. Oh by the way, my blanket really resembles the sky right now, today the clouds are not giving the Sun a chance to shine. Today is the day of the clouds I guess. Everything has its own day, doesn't it?
So, as I sit here, all warm and cozy, not to mention, lazy, I will be sharing another one of my poems. Here it is...

Drowning, in an ocean of tears

I'm trying to stay alive
Breathing, can do it no more
I'm hoping for a ray of light

Save my soul, I'm down on the floor
Hold my hand, as I reach for the shore
'cause I can do it no more

Watching, as the world spins around me

I'm falling off my feet
As the veil of darkness closes in on me
I'm fighting not to quit

Screaming for help, there is no one around
I'm my own savior now
Telling myself "this ain't over yet"
I push myself off the ground

Pushing myself, through the darkness I go
On my way to win this battle
Determined not to lose this time
I fight, fight, fight


Come what may, on my way

To my victory

I won't let anything throw me off my feet


'cause I'm stronger now

I'm a warrior

Winning this challenge of life

Now, for the story behind this poem...
I started writing this poem about two and a half years ago. But I finished it only last year. Why? Because I didn't know how to go about the finishing. Now let me tell you why I couldn't find a proper ending.
The time I started writing this, I was going through some really bad times. The first two stanzas were literally what I used to constantly feel like during those times. And I could only write the first two stanzas then. No matter how hard I tried, neither my life nor my poem could proceed any further from there. So I stopped writing. I stopped for a long time.
And then slowly things in my life took a turn for the better. Days were much brighter, I could see the joy in everyday, I learned to calm my mind and the negative thoughts and focus on the good part. I began accepting what came my way with open arms and embraced every obstacle with determination and  had the thirst to keep moving forward. Maybe the days were just the same as they were before, but now the way I looked at life changed. And that changed my life, Positivity changed my life. Funny how I had never realised that the power to bring a change to the gloomy blue days was right here with me all along, which I failed to acknowledge! The power to fight my inner demons was with me all along, I had the right sword to slay the monster, but I just did not know how to wield it. But once I realised, there was no stopping me. The excitement that life could get better and that I could achieve my dreams was so much that I never stopped or looked back.
So, this poem, basically shows that transition. The first two stanzas were written when my days were dark, and you can clearly feel that from the words. But the rest of it, I wrote when everything had changed two and a half years later. The third stanza onwards I have showed the change, which came only after I had hit rock bottom and realised that I am the only one who can save myself. By the ending of the poem, it is me realising the potential I have and the new found power of my mind. It's beautiful how much our mind and emotions effect our creativity! It was hard for me to keep to the tempo of the first two stanzas after I got better, I wanted to write happy stuff! 
That is the thing about depression, it is something no one can help you with because no one can truly understand it. Not even the people going through it. If you ask me now, "Why dear? What happened that caused this?", I would give you the same answer I would have given you then, "I Don't Know."
And that is the truth, I still don't know what caused it. I can give a few contributing factors, but what was the major reason, I have no idea. I guess many things just added up. Since, it is a problem that is hard to understand, it is harder to find the solution. But there is one way, Self help. That's it. That is the answer, it was the answer to my problem. Only I could help myself, my parents tried everything in their power to help me, but they could only do so much. I never realised how much pain I put them through, I was too busy licking my wounds. How can someone else fight the demons inside my head? Only I can do that. And I did it with positivity, optimism, an eye for the happy and bright and by being accepting of what ever came my way. I stopped questioning 'Why is this happening to me', instead I started asking, 'Okay how do I get through this?' That made all the difference, trust me.
If I look back now, yes, I do regret somethings and do not want to ever be that way again. I don't ever want to go back to that dark corner of my mind that caged me in for a while. But I will say this, I am what I am today, because of what I have been through. I couldn't be anymore proud of myself.

Before I end this long post, here's a little message for all. We all have our bad times, we all must face them at one time or the other. So acknowledge when it happens and know that you can get through it. It may seem impossible then, like as if your life is slipping right out of your hands and there is nothing you are able to do. But we were given this life because we were meant to live it. So live it, and tell your story to the world. Just don't ever stop fighting, never. I don't care how hard it gets, I want you to win. I am not some superhuman, so if I could do it, so can you. I believe in you.
And if you know someone who is going through tough times, if they are showing any signs of difficulty, which is often hard to notice, please be their pillar. Show them support, tell them its okay to tell you and that they can confide in you. Be a little candle in their pitch black world, and that will mean everything to them. Just like my family was to me...


Keep hustling!
Mohana