Through the Frames of My Mind

 I cannot tell you how much the sun shining through a window pangs my heart.

Every home that I had ever lived in, as far back as I can remember, had windows that faced east or west. And at either halves of the day, the sun would light up my entire world.

And the earliest I can think back is to the house in this dainty township in Northern India. I believe I was 4 years old. The 11 o'clock sun peaked through the floral curtains in the large living room, casting the room in a dull faded golden hue. I could paint that image on a canvas and frame it, such is the peace it brings.

Then come the apartments we have lived in, in the Middle Eastern country of Oman. I do not know if I miss the desert Sun more, or my home. Maybe the desert Sun is home. It's obvious the sun shines bright throughout the year in these parts of the world. And I could see, every evening, the most beautiful sunsets.

My senses were blessed with the orange glow of every dusk, the warmth of every afternoon, the purple skies of every evening.

And how can I forget, my beautiful cozy home in Hyderabad. The place that's just a few years younger to me. No matter how many houses we did move, the place that never fails to remind me that I am tethered to it, is this house. And to say that this building stands on the exact site my grandfather built his house and my father grew up on the same grounds, I share a feeling of generational connection to it. It may not be the same walls, but it's the same view they saw, the roads they walked, and the neighborhood! That never changed much. And over here, we decked the house in the most beautiful woodwork, that glistens when the sun cascades through the balcony, through the stained glasses, dancing dull colours wherever it rests. 

Oh how much I loved sitting under the stream of light, napping under the warmth like a furry cat, playing pretend as a child, doing my assignments as I grew, reading my books, day dreaming, thinking of how my future would be, solving all my doubts and worries or just, sitting, in absolute silence, counting my blessings. 

And now I stand here, in the wards of a hospital, barely having a the sun on my face, that every time I see a well sunlit room, or a corridor, or the curtains dancing patterns of sunlight on a floor, my mind shoots back in time, to the visuals of my childhood and teenage, and I almost dissolve into the space of my mind. I become just a sheath of emotions, no longer me, no longer here, just like that, melting away into the feeling of peace and pain. 

By the window sill... It's not strange at all that I named my blog this way. Most of Me happened by the window sill.  

In the shroud of darkness that surrounds, the light in my mind keeps me going, and through this ether comes the peace of a lifetime.